Is there a Brighter Side of the World?

by - January 26, 2019


I always wake up every day with the hope to see the brighter side of the world, but often ended with the other way round.  The older I'm becoming, the more difficult life is. This is what my father used to say to me and I feel it is getting true now.

What if I say that I live with the hope that people see me differently, not the way I am now. I don't want people to know what I feel inside, my worries, my thoughts and most of all what I'm afraid of. I usually live in people's dream, not mine. I hate being someone that I don't want to be, someone who can't avoid faking things to ensure people like her.

What if I say that I'm afraid of what I'm going to be? I start to feel that I'm becoming so paranoid because of the environment that I've been living in, the people that I mingle with and see every single day. These people that I cannot run from for the rest of my life. 

What if I say, I've been living with people who are egocentric, the ones that are refusing to take people's advice, only trust their beliefs, and yet so often, if they are at fault, will blame me back on every wrong thing they do.

I don't know if I will end up being a psychopath on my own because I know that as long as I live with these people, I won't stop adopting the motto "Just Do It", no argument, nothing, just silence and following-order-kind-of-robot. There is no use of being a knowledgeable person if I'm being surrounded with people who don't easily take other people's advice.

The knowledge will end up being kept for my own use.

I know I've been living like hell, but on the outside, as if I have nothing to complain about. Trust me, I am a mother who is willing to die for my children. I don't care if it means I will need to suffer my feelings for the rest of my life for them. Emotional feeling is not much compared to death. If I am not afraid of death, why I have to be afraid of being heartbroken?


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